That's my new phrase!! Isn't it a good thing that God's not finished with me yet??!!
A year ago today, Zine finally went to the primary care doctor!! At that appointment, he was told he needed to see a neurologist. That afternoon, the doctors office called with his appointment. At that time, I asked some further questions about what might be wrong. Motor nerve disease was what I heard. My heart went through all sorts of emotions! However, for a few days I think fear was what ate me alive. Diagnosis like ALS and MS surfaced. As my brother in law said a day or two later, the easy things have been ruled out. So a year ago today began a process that lasted until the middle of October. A process of medical tests upon tests. As I go through the next few months, I am certain to remember lots of those events. My prayer is that as I relive those events, that God would continue to heal my heart and remind me that His will for my life is that I live life to its full now! And that I would totally embrace the scripture that reminds me that His will for my life is to prosper and not to harm...to give a hope and a future.
Leading up to this appt. had been weeks of begging, pleading, threatening, bribing, etc. Any trick I could think of, I tried. In my heart, I knew there was a problem. For me, to watch him walk was an obvious symptom that something was not right! However, he did not see it my way! After his parents came for a visit and immediately noticed a problem, they began as well requesting him to see a doctor. He finally relented...not because he agreed but because he was out to prove me wrong! Need I say that through those weeks of begging, pleading, bribing, threatening, etc., our marriage suffered. I began to carry so much resentment and anger. And when our flesh begins to surface, Satan sees and knows immediately where to attack. So Satan went to work on our marriage!
As we worked our way through medical issues, our marriage continued to struggle. I said something one day that I never ever dreamed I would say! It was at that point, I knew intervention was needed. I can never be grateful enough that we have licensed counselors that are a part of our church. I'm pretty certain that it was all a part of God's plan for us to be at Southside and to have connections to people who could pour comfort, love, and wisdom into our marriage. I am so thankful that Southside Baptist Church values godly marriages!
So over the last 9 months, Zine and I have gone to counseling on a regular basis. God has definitely brought healing into our marriage. I'm certain we're not where we need to be but we've come a long way in 9 months! As we discussed issues at counseling yesterday, a funny statement was said...you're not delinquent, you're a bit remedial! I found it rather humorous and sometimes, in the middle of a heated discussion, a bit of humor is just what is needed. But as I've thought about that statement, it has so much truth in more ways than one!
I love Jesus with all my heart! I haven't turned my back on Him! But I gotta say, I definitely fall into the remedial category. One would think I would have learned by now not to have my own plan for our lives. But instead, I continue to put my own human ideas on what my life should look like. I'm convinced that God is taking me to a place of complete trust and reliance on Him. If only I could be quick learner and not so stubborn!!
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