We all need a Granny in our life. I have had a very special Granny in my life! When I started a job at Central Baptist Church, in Decatur, AL, God gave me a wonderful older lady who loved me and loved my children. She taught me so much about being a mother. She kept Conner when he was young. She has kept both of my children when Zine and I have gone on dates or to company parties. She has been one of my biggest encouragers! She was a safe place for me! I could talk to her about anything, and she would always listen. Followed by listening was always encouragement. There was never condemnation or commands! She always cared about me! Despite the ugliness that we all have in our lives, she could always see past that to my true heart!
Granny went to be with Jesus on April 9 after a short battle with cancer. In January, Granny was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The day that she received her diagnosis, with tears flowing she said to me, I'm going to fight this cancer with everything I've got. Later she communicated that she didn't fear dying but she didn't want to leave her kids. She worried about them. And there is one thing I can say...Granny kept her word...she fought to the very end of life! And she loved her children well! Just a few days before her death, I witnessed the most beautiful picture of love. Her daughter was standing by her bedside and Granny reached for her. Upon her daughter taking her outstretched hand, the daughter bent down and kissed Granny with the words "Momma, I love you" that quickly followed the kiss. Granny in all her power tried to utter the words I love you too. There is no doubt about that! She didn't get words out of her mouth but it was evident what she was trying to say. The daughter in her own way said, Mom, I know you love me. You don't even have to tell me that. I know you love me! Oh, what a precious memory I will always have of that moment and I'm sure her daughter will also have a very precious memory of that moment.
I miss Granny tremendously. The last couple of days, I have found myself missing her a whole lot! I miss her encouragement, I miss her listening ear, I miss our long conversations, I miss her loving my kids! I am so thankful that God sent a Granny into my life! We all need a Granny. I pray that God sends another Granny into my life. There won't ever be one just like Granny, but I pray there'll be another one that will encourage me and love me like Granny did!
I hope that when I'm older and my kids are grown, that I'll be a servant and I'll be able to be a Granny to some new mom! I hope that maybe even while I am still young, that God would put opportunities in my path to minister to women. Women are complex human beings! The intricate detail that God uses to create each one of us is amazing. But somehow, women have a tendency to lose their vision of that love God has for each one them. They condemn themselves like crazy. They are in constant need of reminders of God's love for them. Oh, how I want women to know that God loves them. I hope that one day I get to that point of knowing beyond a shadow of doubt, God loves me and that I need no reminders of that! I pray that I'll be more and more like Granny's daughter and say, Jesus, you don't have to tell me you love me...I know you love me!
Granny you are missed here on earth, but you have left your imprint in so many people's lives. Your handprints are everywhere I look in my life. Even in your last days, you left me moments that will continue to shape me for the rest of my life.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Learning thru Life
Isn't it amazing how through our whole lives we are constantly learning? God puts us through situations so that we can learn from our experiences! I meet once a week with two other ladies for Bible study and accountability. I have grown really close to these two ladies! Right now in our lives, we all have different situations going on. I have this issue of what is God teaching me going on...still haven't learned whatever it is. The other two ladies have other situations that are just as confusing in their lives and they can't possibly imagine what God is trying to teach them either. So I got to wondering...are we always in situations where we must learn and I think the answer is yes. If you're not learning in one area of your life, you're learning in another.
One good thing has happend in my life...the relationship that has been struggling over the last two months or so I feel like God has brought some reconcilation there. It's definitely not like it was before, but it will never be the same way again. Hopefully, the relationship will continue to rebound and be better than it was before, but it will not ever be as it was...it'll be worse or better. I hope better. But I'm so thankful for my last interaction with this couple. I felt like for the first time, they cared and they wanted to see the relationship mended. I still desperately need clarity in where our family is to be involved in church. In my opinion at this time, it is a matter of obedience in where God has called us to serve. Just the problem is none of us at our home are certain where that is. The current church we are in has such huge potential. My kids love it there! Neither Zine nor I see our place of service though. We're told we have a place, but God has not revealed that to us yet. So what is it that God wants in our service for Him....He still has to reveal. But we are waiting with open hearts. We can remain where we are or we can move on to where ever God might lead. We are very open to His leading right now...because I guarantee...we don't have a plan. I took Conner to dr. yesterday and he said, hold on, I"ll be back, I have a plan. I responded I'm so glad because I didn't have a plan. I feel that way with God right now, God's said hold on, I have a plan. Good thing because I don't! So I know for certain God will reveal His plan for our lives and I also know that Zine and I both are willing and ready to follow His leading. One of the possible ministry possibilities...one of those is a full time job and I in no way want to go back in ministry full time. My first ministry is to my family!
Chloe went to MDA clinic last week. It was such a great visit. The old dr. was gone. New dr. was great! The whole atmosphere was different. Hallelujah! So glad that God worked that situation out! We are awaiting some type of inserts for her shoes. We hope that makes her feet hurt less. Time will tell. Nothing else we can do for her hands other than what we're doing. So for now, we just keep on keeping on as is!
Conner is sick! Running fever, sinus infection, etc. etc. Same old story! But the good news is...he always gets well! So in another 24 hours or so, he ought to be getting better.
My mom sees surgeon on Friday. Will get results from last week's MRI. She hopes that they can do something. So we are anxiously awaiting that report.
I'm so glad not to feel as heavy hearted as I've felt for two months now. The last two months have been terrible. But my heart is not as heavy all the time and I'm so thankful!
I'm being requested to get off computer so Conner can have some time on Webkinz...since he is sick...I guess I'll let him get on there. It is a pretty fun place!!
One good thing has happend in my life...the relationship that has been struggling over the last two months or so I feel like God has brought some reconcilation there. It's definitely not like it was before, but it will never be the same way again. Hopefully, the relationship will continue to rebound and be better than it was before, but it will not ever be as it was...it'll be worse or better. I hope better. But I'm so thankful for my last interaction with this couple. I felt like for the first time, they cared and they wanted to see the relationship mended. I still desperately need clarity in where our family is to be involved in church. In my opinion at this time, it is a matter of obedience in where God has called us to serve. Just the problem is none of us at our home are certain where that is. The current church we are in has such huge potential. My kids love it there! Neither Zine nor I see our place of service though. We're told we have a place, but God has not revealed that to us yet. So what is it that God wants in our service for Him....He still has to reveal. But we are waiting with open hearts. We can remain where we are or we can move on to where ever God might lead. We are very open to His leading right now...because I guarantee...we don't have a plan. I took Conner to dr. yesterday and he said, hold on, I"ll be back, I have a plan. I responded I'm so glad because I didn't have a plan. I feel that way with God right now, God's said hold on, I have a plan. Good thing because I don't! So I know for certain God will reveal His plan for our lives and I also know that Zine and I both are willing and ready to follow His leading. One of the possible ministry possibilities...one of those is a full time job and I in no way want to go back in ministry full time. My first ministry is to my family!
Chloe went to MDA clinic last week. It was such a great visit. The old dr. was gone. New dr. was great! The whole atmosphere was different. Hallelujah! So glad that God worked that situation out! We are awaiting some type of inserts for her shoes. We hope that makes her feet hurt less. Time will tell. Nothing else we can do for her hands other than what we're doing. So for now, we just keep on keeping on as is!
Conner is sick! Running fever, sinus infection, etc. etc. Same old story! But the good news is...he always gets well! So in another 24 hours or so, he ought to be getting better.
My mom sees surgeon on Friday. Will get results from last week's MRI. She hopes that they can do something. So we are anxiously awaiting that report.
I'm so glad not to feel as heavy hearted as I've felt for two months now. The last two months have been terrible. But my heart is not as heavy all the time and I'm so thankful!
I'm being requested to get off computer so Conner can have some time on Webkinz...since he is sick...I guess I'll let him get on there. It is a pretty fun place!!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Family Stress
I wanted to keep my blog entries separated today. The seeds deserved a space all of their own.
Our family has been under huge stress lately. It has got to let up soon! Zine's entry on March 28 gives a bit of insight into some of the things going on in our family.
Church is supposed to be a wonderful place to go! It's supposed to be a place of safety! A place for relationships and bonding! For me, over the last several years, church has been a place of stress. We made a very difficult decision to leave a church. It broke our hearts to leave, but felt very strongly that God called us to leave. There were things going on that we were not comfortable with. So we search for where church home should be. We get intertwined with a new church start. We looked forward to that opportunity of service. We have definitely learned a lot through this process. But along with learning, there has been much heartache! So needless to say, church has definitely added stress to my life. Sometimes I want to leave church, come home, and watch church on TV! God gave me a verse that I'm claiming as a promise but it says that after suffering a little while, God himself will restore me, making me strong, firm and stedfast. Of course, I keep asking where God is going to restore me and what does that look like...of course...I don't know the answer. But I'm certain He'll show me in His time. I also know that I'm supposed to be serving. I get joy from serving in church. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm supposed to go back to work part time. I've prayed a lot about whether this is something I should do or not. But I do love working in the church. I used to be a children's minister...but lately...God has really been giving me a vision for family ministry. Bringing children, parents, teenagers, grandparents together. Providing family enriching activities for all to enjoy. That's what I want to be involved in! I also want to be a part of a vibrant women's ministry. I have had so many different experiences in my life, I'd love to be able to work with women and share some of my life with them. Minister to women who struggle on a daily basis! I have no idea what God wants me to do...but I'm thinking that He's got to be working because life has definitely been difficult. As far as the new church, it has great potential. God could do amazing things with this church! I have no doubt about that!
Chloe has been back to crying a good bit lately. I think I've pinpointed that she's getting too tired one day so the next she cries. She's also had like this little cold that won't go away! Then her total fear of things can take its toll on me as well. Bugs are like the worst thing for her...she's incredibly fearful of anything that flies outside! At this time of the year, that means she's not able to playout because bugs are always flying. Fear of being alone is another huge issue! We make progress in one area and then it surfaces in another area. I remind her all the time that God does not give us a spirit of fear. It's just weird that a child can have so much fear...I wish I knew why! The only thing I can wonder is with her future being so uncertain could it be causing fear in all areas??
Conner is enjoying tennis very much. He's planning on playing in a jr. league this summer. That'll be interesting I'm sure. But I'm so thankful that he loves it! He's also about to graduate from speech therapy. We've been doing speech since he was three. He'll be 10 in few months! Hallelujah to be done with that! I sure hope he starts growing. It's really bothering him that he's not growing. Chloe's bigger than he is! People are always saying how much Chloe has grown and then here's Conner! We did some lab work to test and there was nothing way out of normal. He has until June to grow. If he's still not grown any, then he'll be referred to yet another specialist! However, I really think his not growing is medicine related. He takes all this asthma medicine and deep down I think that's the issue! If we could get him all well and get him off some of the meds he takes, I think he might grown.
Our granny is very sick! She kept Conner when I worked at Central Baptist. She has been about the only person that I've left my kids with for any length of time. I've hired a babysitter for couple of hours but she's kept my kids while I went to Bha for various reasons, for Zine and I to go on dates, but more than keeping my kids...she has been a friend. She has been someone I have shared my personal feelings with. Sometimes I'd share with her more details than I share with anyone. I'll definitely miss her and her encouragement when she is gone. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer the end of January. She is in the hospital with very little time left! She has been one big fighter though! But she told me the day she received her diagnosis that the cancer might take her life but she would fight it with all she had! So despite how tired her family is...she has kept her word.
My mom is not well. She had back surgery but the problem is not fixed. She is very much stuck at home now. And not only stuck at home, she's not able to be up and about. She is in almost constant pain. And not just a little bit of pain, I'm talking real tears kind of pain. It breaks my heart for her. I do hope the surgeon might can do something else to ease her pain. But I know there are a lot of people who struggle with constant back pain. But this has totally made her homebound. Unless she gets better, I do not believe she will ever be physically able to come to my house again. But I'm praying for her that somewhere there would be some healing so that she would be able to function again. I'm also worried about her emotional state. I believe she is depressed. But who wouldn't be? I know I would be.
Homeschool is good...but I'm ready for break! I have got to bury my heels in and get these last five weeks done. It's just seemed incredibly hard since Christmas to be consistent!
So, with all these stresses, God's gotta be about to do something very big in our lives!! Don't know what, but I'm anxiously awaiting that event! It's gotta be good. In the meantime, I'm trying to learn whatever I'm supposed to learn through all these trials.
Our family has been under huge stress lately. It has got to let up soon! Zine's entry on March 28 gives a bit of insight into some of the things going on in our family.
Church is supposed to be a wonderful place to go! It's supposed to be a place of safety! A place for relationships and bonding! For me, over the last several years, church has been a place of stress. We made a very difficult decision to leave a church. It broke our hearts to leave, but felt very strongly that God called us to leave. There were things going on that we were not comfortable with. So we search for where church home should be. We get intertwined with a new church start. We looked forward to that opportunity of service. We have definitely learned a lot through this process. But along with learning, there has been much heartache! So needless to say, church has definitely added stress to my life. Sometimes I want to leave church, come home, and watch church on TV! God gave me a verse that I'm claiming as a promise but it says that after suffering a little while, God himself will restore me, making me strong, firm and stedfast. Of course, I keep asking where God is going to restore me and what does that look like...of course...I don't know the answer. But I'm certain He'll show me in His time. I also know that I'm supposed to be serving. I get joy from serving in church. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm supposed to go back to work part time. I've prayed a lot about whether this is something I should do or not. But I do love working in the church. I used to be a children's minister...but lately...God has really been giving me a vision for family ministry. Bringing children, parents, teenagers, grandparents together. Providing family enriching activities for all to enjoy. That's what I want to be involved in! I also want to be a part of a vibrant women's ministry. I have had so many different experiences in my life, I'd love to be able to work with women and share some of my life with them. Minister to women who struggle on a daily basis! I have no idea what God wants me to do...but I'm thinking that He's got to be working because life has definitely been difficult. As far as the new church, it has great potential. God could do amazing things with this church! I have no doubt about that!
Chloe has been back to crying a good bit lately. I think I've pinpointed that she's getting too tired one day so the next she cries. She's also had like this little cold that won't go away! Then her total fear of things can take its toll on me as well. Bugs are like the worst thing for her...she's incredibly fearful of anything that flies outside! At this time of the year, that means she's not able to playout because bugs are always flying. Fear of being alone is another huge issue! We make progress in one area and then it surfaces in another area. I remind her all the time that God does not give us a spirit of fear. It's just weird that a child can have so much fear...I wish I knew why! The only thing I can wonder is with her future being so uncertain could it be causing fear in all areas??
Conner is enjoying tennis very much. He's planning on playing in a jr. league this summer. That'll be interesting I'm sure. But I'm so thankful that he loves it! He's also about to graduate from speech therapy. We've been doing speech since he was three. He'll be 10 in few months! Hallelujah to be done with that! I sure hope he starts growing. It's really bothering him that he's not growing. Chloe's bigger than he is! People are always saying how much Chloe has grown and then here's Conner! We did some lab work to test and there was nothing way out of normal. He has until June to grow. If he's still not grown any, then he'll be referred to yet another specialist! However, I really think his not growing is medicine related. He takes all this asthma medicine and deep down I think that's the issue! If we could get him all well and get him off some of the meds he takes, I think he might grown.
Our granny is very sick! She kept Conner when I worked at Central Baptist. She has been about the only person that I've left my kids with for any length of time. I've hired a babysitter for couple of hours but she's kept my kids while I went to Bha for various reasons, for Zine and I to go on dates, but more than keeping my kids...she has been a friend. She has been someone I have shared my personal feelings with. Sometimes I'd share with her more details than I share with anyone. I'll definitely miss her and her encouragement when she is gone. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer the end of January. She is in the hospital with very little time left! She has been one big fighter though! But she told me the day she received her diagnosis that the cancer might take her life but she would fight it with all she had! So despite how tired her family is...she has kept her word.
My mom is not well. She had back surgery but the problem is not fixed. She is very much stuck at home now. And not only stuck at home, she's not able to be up and about. She is in almost constant pain. And not just a little bit of pain, I'm talking real tears kind of pain. It breaks my heart for her. I do hope the surgeon might can do something else to ease her pain. But I know there are a lot of people who struggle with constant back pain. But this has totally made her homebound. Unless she gets better, I do not believe she will ever be physically able to come to my house again. But I'm praying for her that somewhere there would be some healing so that she would be able to function again. I'm also worried about her emotional state. I believe she is depressed. But who wouldn't be? I know I would be.
Homeschool is good...but I'm ready for break! I have got to bury my heels in and get these last five weeks done. It's just seemed incredibly hard since Christmas to be consistent!
So, with all these stresses, God's gotta be about to do something very big in our lives!! Don't know what, but I'm anxiously awaiting that event! It's gotta be good. In the meantime, I'm trying to learn whatever I'm supposed to learn through all these trials.
Tiny Seeds
We did something we've never done before. Typically when spring comes, I go to Lowe's and purchase bedding plants like petunias to plant along the borders of my flower beds. Well, this year, we started early and we planted seeds! The kids and I did this together. These seeds are all in little peet pots. They are on big trays in the floor of my room in front of the window. Each morning and each evening, I take a spray bottle and give them all a good drink. That is a big job...because we planted a lot of seeds. I have been ready to throw them in the trash. My son said mom, don't throw them away yet. Let's just wait a little while longer and see what happens. So we keep watering them. Last night, my husband took a turn at watering them and what does he find...a little shoot from one of the pots! This morning, guess what...another pot has another shoot! Now there's still a lot of pots to put forth plants, but just two little bitty shoots of green was enough to give us excitement and patience! I sure hope that all these little seeds we planted take root and grow into plants. All this made me think about life. We get so discouraged sometimes...we're ready to quit...and then some little something happens that keeps us going! Lately, seems like those little somethings have been few and far between in our lives, but the little seeds were a reminder to me to watch and wait and look for the little things that can make such a huge difference.
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